Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice

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Volume 3, Issue 16: We All Deserve Joy

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This is a paid subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email (but you can totally share a link to the newsletter https://www.theinfophile.com/). I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends! As I mentioned last week, I am still waking up ridiculously early and it still feels weird but I’m rolling with it. “The only constant in life is change” etc. etc. I had told my therapist I have more hours in my day now and that I am trying to not fill it with productivity. As always, she said I could use it to rest (lol) but also, I could use that time for things that bring me joy. “You could bake!” she mentioned and I laughed at the idea of baking a whole-ass cake at 6am. It is so incredibly absurd and just thinking of it makes me giggle incessantly. I am a person that will do things for a laugh as well as doing things that will give me a great story to tell. It is only a matter of time before I bake a cake before the first rays of sunlight hit our window.

I think about joy a lot. I’ve mentioned before that we have a banner in our apartment that says, “Joy is an act of resistance.” At the same time, I noticed that I have been avoiding things that bring me joy, especially since the pandemic started but sometimes before then as well. I tend to come at it from two directions.

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August 5, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 15: More on the Crisis Lifeline and a Better To Do List

This is a public issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Feel free to share it!

Hi friends! Over the past two weeks I have made an unexpected change in my life. Historically, mornings have been very, very hard for me for various reasons whether it be poor mental health or having a shitty sleep or allergies or asthma or anxiety keeping me up at night etc. I often wake up on my own in the first half of the 6 o’clock hour and then I go back to sleep for a little bit. Somehow that next hour of sleep is incredibly deep. I drift off into another dimension, forget my name, become incorporeal, whatever. I’m lost to the world during that time. Then when I try to get up for real it is so incredibly difficult. I manage to eventually drag myself out of bed but it feels like my synapses don’t fire fully until hours later.

On July 18th I had to get up at 6:15a to do a thing and I was shocked that it felt fine to get up that early. I felt fully awake and aware. So I decided to experiment with listening to my body and waking up the first time I actually awaken in the 6 o’clock hour. I am very angry to report that it’s been totally doable and I feel great and I am so mad. I don’t know why I’m so mad. I think I’ve just always been opposed to the idea of being a “morning person” and yet here I am, waking up, in the morning. Identity changes in your 40s is a struggle.

Doing this every day has basically given me a whole day’s worth of extra hours. I am fighting very hard against the demons telling me that I need to fill this time with productivity, building an empire, grinding, and so forth. At the same time, sitting around and scrolling Twitter at 6:45am is fucking awful. Literally nothing good comes from scrolling Twitter at that hour. So I’m working on figuring out what my newfound “day” will look like.

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July 29, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 15: On Avoidance

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This is a paid subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email (but you can totally share a link to the newsletter https://www.theinfophile.com/). I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends! Today I want to talk about a recurring theme in my life because I find that if I tweet about it or talk about it to friends it tends to resonate more than I imagine. The theme is: avoidance! Avoidance of what? Literally anything that I imagine would cause me a modicum of anxiety or discomfort or that might be “hard” or “stressful” or “unfun.”

Whatever thing I’m avoiding at the moment starts to become even more scary the longer I avoid it. I start to build it up in my head. It becomes this terrifying kaiju that I’m not only avoiding but beginning to think that I couldn’t even conquer if I tried. Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes the magical thinking creeps in. Like, maybe something will magically fix itself or no longer be an issue if I just avoid it.

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July 22, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 14: Crisis Lifeline, Texting Friends, a Gentle Approach to Cleaning, and Space!

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Hi friends! The past couple of weeks I have been doing some of the things that have been on my to-do list for far too long and it feels really good. They are definitely things I have been avoiding, like buying a new mattress and doing some student loan paperwork. It also meant sitting down and looking at what subscriptions we have that we aren’t using and I can end. Honestly, I don’t need HBO until season 2 of Our Flag Means Death is available. I’ve been trying to cook a large bean dish on Sundays which means we have dinner for Sunday - Wednesday ready. I love not having to make decisions. This week’s beans involve pesto so I dusted off the recipe my family has used for decades and it’s brought a lot of joy.

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July 15, 2022
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Volume 3, Issues 14, Preview: On Keeping Grounded

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Hi friends! The new platform isn’t quite sending out previews of premium content yet; therefore, I’m sending out this preview issue to unpaid subscribers. Reminder that this newsletter has a pay-what-you-want option and with a paid subscription you can access issues like the one below and all the archives.

In today’s newsletter I talk about what has helped me stop spiraling out of control lately while the U.S. is on a high-speed train through each of Dante Alighieri’s nine circles of Hell. I promise, it's not what you expect. You can read it here: Volume 3, Issue 14: On Keeping Grounded.

As always, you can shop any books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481. If you are a paid subscriber and would like for me to send you some happy mail, feel free to give me your address. You can find me elsewhere on the internet as well as some of my top resource round-ups on my linktree.

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#138
July 8, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 14: On Keeping Grounded

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This is a paid subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email. I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends. If you’re reading this then you have made it through the first half of 2022 and I do not say this lightly. Many, many people did not. We have suffered so many losses this year. People. Rights. Hope. The past couple of weeks have definitely seen me spiraling and this video makes me feel really seen:

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#137
July 8, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 13: Reproductive Justice, 2 Pills 2 Furious

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Hi friends. It’s resource week and there have been so many incredibly unhelpful and flat-out harmful pieces of advice posted on the internet since the Roe v. Wade decision on Friday that I want to share the really good responses to some of these things in hopes that it can help someone reading this.

Reminder that I already have an abortion rights resource round-up in a previous public issue of this newsletter: Volume 3, Resources 9: Abortion Rights Resource List

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#136
July 1, 2022
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Volume 3, Issues 11 - 13: Previews

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Hi friends! The new platform was supposed to send out some previews of the last couple essay-ish issues and it did not; therefore, I’m sending out this bonus preview issue to unpaid subscribers. Reminder that this newsletter has a pay-what-you-want option and with a paid subscription you can access issues like the ones below and all the archives.

Let’s work backward!

In today’s newsletter I talk about despair and how it seems to be a common thread with many people I have in my life. I also make an 80’s pop culture reference that will definitely remind some of you of a particular childhood trauma-lama-ding-dong. You can read it here: Volume 3, Issue 13: On Despair and Hope.

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#135
June 24, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 13: On Despair and Hope

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This is a paid subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email. I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends! Quick reminder that this newsletter has a pay-what-you-want option and with a paid subscription you can access issues like this one and all the archives.

A lot of the conversations I’ve been having lately seem to be circling around the same two feelings: despair and hopelessness. The hits keep on coming. Trauma is piled onto trauma with no room for healing. So many of us are going to therapy but therapists are human and have limitations and in the face of <all this> it’s like slapping Band-Aids over bullet holes. There is no end in sight to this pandemic and yes, history tells us pandemics always end one way or another but that way may involve killing as many people as possible and it may also take over a decade.

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#134
June 24, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 12: On Juneteenth and Essential Media on Queer Liberation History

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Hi friends! It’s resource week and today’s newsletter is going to be a short one because I need to pay more attention to myself. I’ve been giving a lot lately in many areas of my life and I think I just need to sit and watch cartoons more. I will totally take recommendations for cartoon series to watch! I’m safe-wording out of Last Airbender, Steven Universe, and Adventure Time. We’ve already watched all of She-Ra when it came out, we’re in the midst of Bob’s Burgers, I’ve watched a lot of My Little Pony, and I am legit obsessed with The Owl House. Last night we started to watch Sailor Moon. Nicole has never seen it and it’s been decades since I’ve watched them.

I don’t know about y’all, but so many people I know are getting Covid. It does’t surprise me because there’s still a pandemic and I keep up to date from Violet Blue’s weekly Pandemic Roundup (available for free on her Patreon, but if you can afford to pay her you should).

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#133
June 17, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 12: On Possibility

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This is a paid subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email. I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends! Quick reminder that this newsletter has a pay-what-you-want option and with a paid subscription you can access issues like this one and all the archives.

I have never desired to look different than I do except for when I see someone with pale skin covered in colorful tattoos. For decades I believed that color tattoos on skin as brown as mine were impossible. I believed this because I was told this by tattoo artists. I was told that color tattoos wouldn’t show up or that my skin color would make them look “muddy.” And I believed it because they were professionals and I trusted that they knew more about tattooing than I did.

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#132
June 10, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 11: Rainbow-Washing and DIY Self-Care Toolbox

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Hi friends, happy Pride month! We were cat sitting recently and honestly, that little furball was the only thing that has been keeping me from a complete meltdown. She was mad we were leaving one day so she went to pout in her little cardboard taco truck. Me too, kitty. Me too.

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June 3, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 11: On Getting Through

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This is a paid subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email. I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends.

On March 12, 2020 I was told by my job to begin working from home because of the pandemic. It was safer for me to be at home, you see.

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#130
May 27, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 10: Do Nothing, They/Them Pronoun Guide, & Disability Visibility

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Hi friends. The white-supremacy-fueled mass shooting in Buffalo happened days after I wrote my last newsletter, “Volume 3, Issue 10: What to do When the World is on Fire.” I hate that I know that issue will be eternally relevant. If you are not Black I cannot begin to tell you how much strength and energy it has taken your Black coworkers to show up to work this week, even more so if you have been in meetings with us where we are doing our damnedest to be intellectually present. Honestly, not just this week but this week especially. I have no resources for this. My therapist is a Black woman and during my session this week I swear we just stared at each other giving each other a wide range of “looks” because what can possibly be said?

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#129
May 20, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 10, Preview: What to Do When the World is On Fire

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Hi friends! The new platform does not yet allow me to send a preview of issues to non-paid subscribers so consider this your preview.

This week I talk about what I do when I’m overwhelmed by the unending outrage I feel at <gestures broadly> and find myself struggling to figure out how I can possibly do enough to matter.

You can upgrade and find today’s newsletter here: Volume 3, Issue 10: What to Do When the World is On Fire

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#128
May 13, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 10: What to Do When the World is On Fire

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This is a paid subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email. I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hello friends. There is an overwhelming amount of difficult and terrible things happening in the world right now. It’s likely that you, like me, are feeling flung about like a pinball, slamming into one chunk of global or nationwide terror, and then another, and then another. With each bang against one of these bumpers of awful I, too, become incandescent with rage and sadness and heartbreak and disappointment (but never surprise because if someone is surprised then they haven’t been listening to and trusting the most marginalized).

My outrage is a wildfire. My anger could power a carnival’s worth of rides. As my friend’s Brazilian mother would say, “I’m so mad, I could bite myself.” And my anger isn’t pointed at a single thing because a bitch can multitask. I promise I can be angry about everything at once as well as absolutely gutted by it all. I am fatigued by the amount that I care, by the sheer amount of feelings happening all at once and all the time. Any single one of the things going on right now is devastating, whether it be pandemic, anti-trans legislation, police violence, taking away our abortion rights, the list goes on. They are happening all at once. They are not like one of my grandmother’s wuxia films, where our hero gets attacked by only one person at a time, though there is an entire gang waiting to take them down. Our current reality is, in the most cosmic of ways, an unfair fight.

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May 13, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 9: Abortion Rights Resource List

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Hi friends. What a week! This week is a resource week and I am sure you can guess what all the resources will be about. I know that if you are a subscriber to this newsletter you are likely a smart and empathetic person but I’m going to say something on the off-chance that it is new information to you:

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#126
May 6, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 9, Preview: The Hard Way Isn't Necessarily the Best Way

Hi friends! The new platform does not yet allow me to send a preview of issues to non-paid subscribers so consider this your preview!

This week includes:

  • How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by KC Davis came out this week

  • I’m learning a new song on ukulele

  • And an essay about “the hard way” not necessarily being the best way

You can upgrade and find today’s newsletter here: Volume 3, Issue 9: The Hard Way Isn't Necessarily the Best Way

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#125
April 29, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 9: The Hard Way Isn't Necessarily the Best Way

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This is a paid subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email. I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends! A couple weeks ago I mentioned How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by KC Davis and it came out this week so I wanted to link it again. It is such a useful book and I actually talked about it on this week’s All the Books! If you want to hear more about it. I’m sure I’ll share it with more detail as a resource here in a future issue.

Also a couple weeks ago I wrote about doing nothing and taking time to rest and I’ve been trying, I promise. I took a couple days off work and had a lot of down time. But I admit I get antsy and I am shit at doing nothing. It would not surprise you to know that I was The Worst™ at naps when I was a kid and I’m still not great at them as an adult. So, I’ve made a bit of a compromise with myself in that if I do find myself needing to do something, then it’ll be something that doesn’t fall under “productivity.” This has resulted in me getting back to teaching myself the ukulele. I have been using the Yousician app and I have been plucking away at exercises and found myself getting bored. I reminded myself that it is okay to not follow my weird, arbitrary rules for doing things and I decided that along with the exercises in the app I will also teach myself a song and that has refreshed my interest immensely.

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#124
April 29, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 8: Vetting News Sources & 20 Trans POC-Led Orgs

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Hi friends! I’m happy to report that it seems like I’m now fully migrated to Buttondown and you can access this newsletter online as usual at theinfophile.com. That being said, don’t forget to check your spam for this newsletter and mark it as NOT spam!

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#123
April 22, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 8: What If We Did Nothing?

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This is supposed to be subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice but today it's free!

Hi friends! Some housekeeping: I have quit Substack and moved to Buttondown! This should have been a smooth transition on your end and you can find my newsletter at https://buttondown.email/theinfophile until I get my custom domain linked. Warning that the archive links might not be working right now until that gets rectified. Check your spam folder and make sure this email gets routed to your inbox.

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#121
April 15, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 7: Burnout as a Trauma Response, Guide to Accessible Images, and Some Bonus Treats

This is a public issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Feel free to share it!

Hi friends! Thank you for the overwhelmingly kind responses and birthday wishes to last week’s newsletter, “On Not Needing to Struggle Alone.” I’m definitely back in the snail mail groove and I’m still totally accepting addresses via this form if you want snail mail. Apparently auto-fill doesn’t give me your whole address, so double-check when you fill it out.

Also, in the near future I will begin working on finding a different platform to house this newsletter because Substack promotes hate and misinformation. I’ve known this for a while but as per my last newsletter, I have not had the spell slots to dig in to make the move. Now that I have some breathing room, this is at the top of my list. If anyone has any recommendations for platforms that 1) make the move from Substack simple and 2) allow me to keep my subscribers, please let me know! I would love it to be as seamless as possible so as not to disrupt your experience; however, if it needs to be disrupted a bit so that I can get off this hell site, then I’m sure we will all manage.

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#120
April 8, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 7: On Not Needing to Struggle Alone

This is a subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email. I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends! Today, April 1st, is my birthday. The older you get it can seem that there are fewer things to celebrate so I have a very tight grip on my enjoyment of my birthday. I always at the very least take the day off from work. One of my besties got me a pizza steel and I am looking forward to perfecting my pizza-making at some point soon.

Reminder that I’m still totally accepting addresses via this form if you want snail mail. Apparently auto-fill doesn’t give me your whole address, so double-check when you fill it out.

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#119
April 1, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 6: Trans Legislation Tracker, Accurate Ukraine Info, & Habit Apps

This is a public issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Feel free to share it!

Hi friends! Happy Spring! Next Friday, April 1st, is my birthday. If you want to celebrate, check out last year’s post. Also, I’m still totally accepting addresses via this form if you want snail mail. Apparently auto-fill doesn’t give me your whole address, so double-check when you fill it out.

I’ll be keeping more of my personal updates in the subscriber-only newsletter issues, like last week’s newsletter. If you want access, you can subscribe via the button below. I have a lot of exciting things going on and can’t wait to share with you next week!

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#118
March 25, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 6: On Valuing My Own Work as I Value the Work of Others

This is a subscriber-only issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please do not forward this email. I appreciate your support and respect for my work!

Hi friends. This week was the anniversary of the Atlanta shootings. I want to re-share the Resource Round-up Against Anti-Asian Violence that I wrote at the time. Also this week, a man attacked a 67-year-old Asian woman and hit her over 125 times. My mother is an Asian American woman in her 60s. I am terrified every day of something happening to her or my aunt. I’ve been doing a lot of check-ins with friends this week as well and thank you to those who have reached out to check in on me.

Some housekeeping! Last week I mentioned opening up the snail mail form to paid subscribers only; however, I need to be honest with myself: I have way too much stationery and I need to ramp up my mail output. So, snail mail for subscribers at any level (paid or free)! Can’t promise when, can’t promise what, but I promise you’ll get something. You can give me your info here. Folks outside of the U.S. are totally welcome!

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#117
March 18, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 5: Big Announcement, Peptoc, and Hood Feminism

This is a public issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Feel free to share it!

Hi friends! Daylight Saving Time starts this weekend so don’t forget to Spring forward an hour if you are in a place that acknowledges the time change.

It’s a resource week but before I get into that, I have an announcement! When I began this newsletter over two years ago, I intended to eventually put my more thoughtful, essay-type issues behind a paywall. The time has finally come for that (it’s actually way past time). The resource issues will remain free, because I am a librarian and access to resources, and information is very important to me. Besides, the resources shared every other week are not by me and I’m not going to charge to share something that is available for free (though I send tips to most every creator I share).

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#116
March 11, 2022
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Special: Quick Note for Paid Subscribers

Hi friends! I’m reaching out to you outside of the confines of Fridays because I have some news and a possible action item for you.

Photo of a black cat on a sofa. The cat is screaming and surrounded by torn up white napkins. Above the image is the text, "I hope this email finds you well" and then "Me:"

I have made the decision to put my more thoughtful, essay-style posts behind a paywall as I originally intended to do when I started this newsletter over two years ago. I could not have made this terrifying decision nor could I have ever had the resources to keep this ambitious little newsletter going without your support. I am deeply thankful for your willingness to pay me for my work and to acknowledge the value of my writing in ways that you can.

Moving forward, to make Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice more accessible, I have lowered the subscription price.

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#115
March 9, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 5: Filling Our Cups

Hi friends! Before I get into this week’s essay, I want to share these links with ways to support Ukraine:

  • Global Citizen

  • The Washington Post

  • NPR

Last weekend Nicole and I did a lot of soul care or as I like to say, we did a lot of things that filled our cups rather than emptied them. Friday we took the day off and went to the San Francisco Botanical Gardens to marvel at the magnolias in bloom. We went to the Lamy store and got Nicole her first fountain pen. We ate Japanese curry and went to the library so Nicole could get her own San Francisco library card instead of sharing mine. We went to Valencia St. and poked around in shops that we would never buy anything at but they’re fun to look at.

Saturday we went to the Oakland Museum for the final weekend of Mothership: Voyage into Afrofuturism. It was beautiful and inspiring and after walking through the exhibit twice I was overwhelmed to the point of where I had to leave before bursting into tears because my cup was overflowing. They commissioned a curated playlist for the exhibit which is about 14 hours of music and you can hear it here. This playlist carried us through the rest of the weekend.

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#114
March 4, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 4: Some Ways to Help Trans Folks in Texas

Hello friends. To quote my therapist this week, “I wish I had something lovely and poignant to say but things are just shitty right now.” I often talk to my therapist about how humans don’t have the capacity to process the constant deluge of horrors and violence we witness online and in life every day. We also talk about how to strike a balance between protecting ourselves from this by compartmentalizing while also being able to stay present, informed, and involved.

If we ever find an answer, you all will be the first to hear it from me.

image of a greeting card. The background is green and it has a painting of the head of a brown bird. There is white text that says, “I poop on fascists.”

This week is a resource week. I want to first share this Vogue article, “What is Happening in Ukraine, and How to Help.”

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#113
February 25, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 4: On Not Letting Your Past Experiences Ruin Your Present Ones

Hi friends! For today’s issue I have an essay for you and I’ll get to that in a bit but first there is a new resource I want to share sooner than later. Mark Cuban (billionaire, Shark Tank guy) offers Cost Plus Drugs, a website where you can get prescriptions for fairly cheap. This article from abc10 KXTV goes into details and yes, Cost Plus Drugs is a legitimate site. All the medications offered are tablets or capsules and they are all generic. There is an option for birth control and many more for psychiatric medication, a few forms of Estradiol (estrogen), diabetes medications, tons of high blood pressure options, and much more. It requires users to have their doctors send a prescription to the site and medications are offered at a 15% markup and a $3 fee for pharmacy labor and the cost of shipping.

I’ve already added a link to my list of Affordable Prescriptions Resources which is always available through a quick link on my homepage.

Before I get to the essay, I also wanted to share a photo of the pink marshmallows covered in edible glitter that we made last weekend for Valentine’s Day. I’ll probably be making more in the near future. Maybe this weekend, even. I’m obsessed.

close-up photo of a large ziplock baggie of light pink marshmallows dusted in edible glitter
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#112
February 18, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 3: African American Wellness, Book Bans, and Caste

Hi friends! Wow. I don’t know about you but full transparency: I am burned out. I am completely fried. I am crispy and my brain is ashes. I am amazed I’m getting anything done at all. If you’re feeling this way too, I see you and I hear you. I have no idea what to do about it. I mean, I have some ideas from this book, which I might need to give another reread, but also, I’m not going to self-care or long-weekend or therapy my way out of capitalism and white supremacy.

What I’ve pinpointed for myself lately, too, is that I think a lot of my burnout is not only the sheer amount of things I’ve been doing but also I’m finally run down by the sameness of it all. Nicole asked me what I wanted for dinner the other evening and I almost burst into tears, whining, “But we just ate dinner LAST night!” I know I’m craving novelty, and the other day we took a break from work in the middle of the day and went to Marcus Books and I was in a great mood for the rest of the day. We’re taking another day off soon, which isn’t a weekend or holiday, so we’re working on some ideas of what to do. They don’t have to be extravagant things. I think we’re going to try an ice cream shop in SF that I’ve had my eyes on, and maybe go to a store that sells fountain pens (which we also have not been to).

All this to say that even those of us who seem really on top of things are having a rough time and if you identify with this, just know you are not alone.

It’s a resource week! I’ll get to it after this photo of some of my favorite socks (a gift from one of my cousins):

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February 11, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 3: Stay Ready

Hi friends! I know this week is a longform-essay-week but I have some things I want to share before I get to that and believe me, I will get to that.

First, it’s Black History Month and I want to share 28 Days of Black History by Anti-Racism Daily. 28 Days of Black History is a streamlined way to get short emails (~5-minute reads) daily in your inbox for the month of February. The amount of content during this month can be overwhelming, which is why it is also important that this content is created and shared and learned year-round and not just shoved into the shortest month. 28 Days of Black History is a useful way to access information that doesn’t stress me out by the sheer volume of information.

Second, Nia Patterson is the Black, queer creator behind Self-Love Toolchest, a shop that makes some products I really love such as this sticker that says, “Hello I’m doing my best.” She just launched a Kickstarter for POSITIVE SNARK: An Affirmation Deck for Sarcastic Realists. I don’t know Nia personally, but I think they’re pretty rad and I love their work and so I definitely supported her and this Kickstarter. I also thought it was something that some of you may be interested in as well, so I wanted to share it here!

Finally, I’m going to be on a panel for a Stabbycon Roundtable! Stabbycon is an online con for r/Fantasy (the subreddit for the fantasy and speculative genres) and the Roundtable is basically a reddit AMA (Ask Me Anything). If none of these words make sense to you, it’s basically like I will be in an online forum answering questions but it’s all through text, no video. Specifically, I will be on Feb 6th, 12pm EST | 5pm GMT - Where We Talk About Books Online talking about podcasting about books! You can find all the info here. Stabbycon started on Monday 1/31 and runs through 2/11 and it’s free!

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February 4, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 2: Berkeley Mental Health Technology Project, Nutrition for ME, and Atomic Habits

Hi friends! It is the two-year anniversary of this sassy little newsletter! Thank you, as always, for joining me on this ride. I am nowhere near out of steam nor ideas, but I am trying to think about what’s next for my writing. I’m still having that “new year newness” that has me optimistic. Usually that doesn’t wear off for me until after Lunar New Year. I don’t celebrate Lunar New Year, but growing up in the Bay Area with family near Chinatown in SF has always made Lunar New Year a constant in my periphery. Happy Lunar New Year to those of you who celebrate! By the way, I refer to it as Lunar New Year because there are multiple cultures that celebrate it, not just folks who are Chinese. If you didn’t know, now you do!

As I’ve mentioned, one of our goals this year is to take more days off so last Friday, we took the day off and saw the Patrick Kelly exhibit at the de Young museum in San Francisco. It was amazing and incredibly inspiring. I didn’t know that it would be what my heart needed, yet it was. It’s showing through April 24, 2022 so if you’re in the Bay Area I highly recommend seeing it.

Photo of me in an eighties-inspired dress. I am wearing purple tights and black boots. I am in front of some large windows. On the windows are a quote from Patrick Kelly that reads, “I want my clothes to make you smile.”

It's a resource week this week so let’s get to it!

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January 28, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 2: Does It Have to Be You?

Hi friends! I have been extra-overwhelmed this week and last. It is not necessarily because of bad things, I just have a lot on my plate and I’m still trying to strike a balance between doing things that fill my cup (long walks with my wife) and getting things done that I need to do (read books for the podcast, research things for this newsletter). I know that I could alleviate some stress by, say, listening to an audiobook on our walks but then I wouldn’t be as present as I have been and it’s the being present that has been just as important as getting outside and moving around.

Photo of a salmon-colored rose in full bloom
During one of our walks I took a photo of this single rose in a rose garden where close to nothing else was in bloom. Amidst the empty branches, this one rose was like, “Fuck you, I do what I want.”

Something I think about a lot, and even more the past couple of weeks, is, “This thing needs to be done / I want this thing to be done but do I have to be the one to do it.” There is some stuff that, yes, I need to do. I can’t have someone read books for me, or write this newsletter for me, or walk for me, etc. My therapist challenged me to think about some things I would typically do and think about 1) does the thing actually need to be done or am I just making more homework and busyness for myself, 2) do I actually need to be the one to do the thing, and 3) if not, can I hand it off to my wife or a coworker or another appropriate person depending on the thing.

Nicole had shared this short Twitter thread with me, as we both have student debt and work in the public sector:

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January 21, 2022
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Volume 3, Resources 1: Gender Unicorn & A Quick & Easy Guide to Queer & Trans Identities

Hi friends! Two weeks in and somehow this is already one of the longest years that has ever existed. Nicole and I have been taking frequent walks and it’s done wonders for my mental health. Of course, I am rarely serious so walking around with me results in stopping to make things like this video:

theinfophile
A post shared by Patricia Elzie-Tuttle (@theinfophile)

Anyway, it’s the first resource of the year and I realize that I have been doing an absolute shit job at sharing resources on particular subjects. Let me back up a bit. I used to be on training staff for San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI). SFSI was founded in 1972 and did a couple of things. First, we had a switchboard where people could call in (or email) their questions about human sexuality and get unbiased, non-judgmental, science-based responses. Second, we had a ~60 hour training over the course of 4 weekends where we would train our sex educators for the switchboard. The ~60 hours of human sexuality training was more than what was required in medical school so we would have a wide range of folks taking our training, including medical professionals and psychologists. Yes, I used to teach doctors about sex. It was quite the experience and I met some of my closest friends doing that work.

While absorbing all the info about human sexuality was important, the most invaluable takeaways were first, the communication skills we taught because hey, this all can be really sensitive, fraught, and taboo to talk about and second, the research skills which were taught to you by actual librarians. HAHA I’m super biased because one of my besties and I were the librarians who gave that lecture when I was part of staff (she did it well before I joined staff as well).

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January 14, 2022
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Volume 3, Issue 1: Composition Transcends Instrument

Hi friends! Happy 2022! I’m happy that you’re here with me. Before I forget (again), I wanted to share the Book Riot 2022 Reading Log that I had promised.

One of our first adventures this year was making marshmallows from scratch. We used the recipe from America’s Test Kitchen but you can see the recipe for free on The Frugal Girl’s website. Being a librarian, of course this made me wonder, “Are recipes protected by copyright?” and I found this article from the Copyright Alliance so now you know the answer as well.

Photo of hands using a pizza cutter to cut a large slab of marshmallow into cubes. It is sitting on a wood cutting board. There is powdered sugar everywhere. There is text that reads, “Nicole: These cuts aren’t the straightest. Me: Neither are we.”

It was exciting to do and they taste amazing and surprisingly, we had pretty much all the ingredients already and definitely all the equipment we needed.

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#106
January 7, 2022
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Volume 2, Issue 27: 2022 Goals, If You Are So Inclined

Hi friends! I know I said it before, but I’ll say it again: Thank you for being here. I appreciate you all so damn much. We have made it through the year and yes if all you did was survive then that is enough. I don’t say this flippantly. There are so many people who did not survive this year, our second year of the Covid-19 pandemic. So many of us lost loved ones and capitalism is killing people so yeah, surviving is getting to be a harder thing to do for countless numbers of folks. Surviving is already hard for most people! And now it’s harder. So again, I say, I appreciate you and I’m glad you’re here.

Further down today’s issue I’m going to share some of my goals / resolutions / habits / intentions / vibes for 2022. I want to make it very fucking clear: You don’t have to do any of this shit. If setting intentions is not for you, then don’t do it. You are not less-than for not doing it and people who set intentions are not better than anyone else. If your only intention is to exist, then that is enough. This little video below puts it really well and succinctly:

itslennnie
A post shared by lennnie (@itslennnie)

For me, I crave direction, structure, and control. We are on a tiny wet rock hurling through space and as individuals most of us are in control of so very little when it comes down to it. Setting intentions etc. is my way of staving off existential crises. I’ll make my silly little lists and check off my silly little boxes and make our silly little bed to avoid just dropping everything and howling into the darkness. Though, I may schedule some howling time as well. We’ll see.

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December 31, 2021
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Volume 2, Resources 26: Best Books 2021

Hi friends! This year I’ve hit a personal record for number of books read. My goal was 120 books and I definitely surpassed that. I still have a full-time day job that doesn’t involve reading books but my side gig with Book Riot is what has me reading so much. This year may have also been my most diverse reading year as well. Book Riot has a reading tracker that gives some fun stats for the books you’ve read. The 2022 tracker hasn’t been released yet but I’ll be sure to share it when it has been.

Image of an illustration of an open book and the words, “My Year in Books.” Below that it reads, “35,598 pages read, 139 books read”. It has The Infophile’s logo, the name Patricia, and a sentence that reads, “This is my journey in books for 2021!”

If you want to diversify your reading and  don’t know where to start or if you want a bit of a roadmap, there are reading challenges to help lead the way. Of course, I’m partial to Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge but I found this 2022 Master List of Year-Long Reading Challenges that you might be interested in checking out as well. Make sure to look at the comments for even more links.

Best Books I Read That Were Published in 2021

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December 24, 2021
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Volume 2, Issue 26: What I Learned in 2021

Hi friends! Holy shit, we’re almost through 2021 and I am SO PROUD OF US for making it this far.

Meme of an illustration of two men. One man has his arms up in defense and there are the words, “Me still processing 2020” and the other man is holding a knife toward the first man and there are the words, “2022 in 2 weeks”

This year was a rollercoaster of emotions for so many of us. There has been so much loss already from Covid-19 deaths to the ending of relationships due to people choosing white supremacy over love. Add to that the excitement of vaccines then the utter disappointment to learn that people you know are anti-science and the variants, the endless variants.

A lot of folks got a master class in boundary work this year. I found it particularly fascinating because when I was a part of the kink and sex education communities, explicit communication was 98% of what we did. We would communicate what we need to feel safe and supported in ways that I never really encountered outside the communities. Things like safewords and STI testing are ways to be intimate while informing partners about boundaries, consent, and risk. They’re a way for people to say, “This is what I need to feel safe” and an opportunity for others to say, “I’m willing to do this thing to help you feel safe.”

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December 17, 2021
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Volume 2, Resources 25: The Wake Up, Happiness Calendar, and Just Watch

Hi friends! I want to send some extra love out to my fellow BIPOCs who are doing Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Belonging, Justice, Access (DEIBJA) work in their day jobs. It’s already part of what many of us have to do just existing as a BIPOC and many of us are doing additional work as part of working groups and committees at our jobs. It’s often very taxing to be a BIPOC in this space.

In the spirit of “courageous conversations,” in a recent meeting I pushed back hard on the idea of “diversity of thought” in DEIBJA work. Of course diversity of thought is important, but it’s not a pillar of diversity we are talking about in this work and it is often brought up as a false equivalency. No one is getting hate-crimed because of diversity of thought. There are no special legal protections for diversity of thought. No one is whispering, “Oh him? Steve is our diversity hire. Yeah, he believes that the Earth is flat.”

I get it. Folks want to expand the term diversity to include everyone because people don’t want to be left out but the thing is, we are doing this work because people are being left out. If everyone is included, then it’s easy. It’s easy to say, “Look! We’re doing it!” rather than to really dig into who is being left out and why and how do we bring them into the fold.

Anyway, if you are doing DEIBJA work, especially unpaid but still as part of your day job or career, I see you. I appreciate you and yes we should be getting paid because it is work and I hope you’re being gentle with yourself.

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December 10, 2021
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Volume 2, Issue 25: Some Healthy Phrases for Effective Communication

Hi friends! For the month of November, I worked on cultivating three habits: writing daily, stretching daily, and writing snail mail daily. I stretched all but 4 days, I wrote snail mail all but 3 days, and to my utter surprise, I wrote all but 2 days. I reflected on this at the end of the month and decided that the daily snail mail wasn’t sparking joy. I still love sending mail, but I wasn’t inspired when I was forcing myself to do it every day so that is not a habit I will continue to cultivate. I find that I start to miss it when I don’t stretch daily and it *gasp* actually makes me feel good, so I’ll be continuing that in December. Shockingly, I also found that I missed writing on the days that I didn’t do it, so I’ll be continuing that in December as well.

I think focusing on cultivating 3 habits per month is a good number for me, so for my third daily habit, I need to clean something. It could just mean dusting a shelf or putting something where it belongs. Normal maintenance (taking out recycling, putting away laundry, etc.) does not count. I am a maximalist on the best of days and the situation in our apartment is getting dire. Multiple books are coming into the apartment every week. We have no more room for non-consumable items. Believe me, we try to use as many mugs per day as possible and also if one more mug comes into our home I might burst into tears. It’s getting to the point where there isn’t enough room to think. So, I’m going to try to take care of it little by little and hopefully turn that into a habit. We’ll see how it goes!

Speaking of habits, I’m reading Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear at the suggestion of my therapist. I have A Lot of Thoughts™ about it but I’m not done with the book yet so I’ll hold those until I am finished. I will say that I am getting enough out of it that I will likely read through the whole thing.

Gratuitous photo of the cranberry pound cake I made for last Thursday:

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December 3, 2021
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Volume 2, Resources 24: Supporting Native Orgs, Black Friday, Giving Thanks, and NPR's Books We Love

Hi friends! First up, we’re getting to the end of November and to keep myself accountable I want to check in about the habits that I have been trying to cultivate this month. As of writing this sentence, I have managed to do some writing every day this month. I’ve written a piece of snail mail almost every day (I missed one day) and I have stretched every day except for 2 days.

The missed days were the day of the Rittenhouse verdict and the day after, which is totally understandable. It was the verdict I expected as white supremacy will always do what it needs to do to preserve itself, even if that means allowing the murders of other white people if they align themselves on the side of Black lives. Even though I expected it, it still made it rough to hear so I ended my work day early to be kind to myself.

I am still pretty chuffed that I have managed to write daily, though! Honestly, I didn’t think I would do it and yet here I am. Wow. Will wonders never cease?

Also, last week I wrote about not over-explaining my “No” and this week, Nedra Tawwab wrote about the same thing in her newsletter which is also definitely worth the read. I stand behind it. “No” is a complete sentence.

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November 26, 2021
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Volume 2, Issue 24: Xmas Shipping, Holiday Anti-Fatness, and Leveling-Up Your 'No'

Hi friends! This week is a non-resource week however, I have some things that I need to share with you sooner than later so it’ll be a little resource-y and a little think-y. I’ll start with the resources but first, here’s a photo of the cavatappi earrings I just got from General Eclectic Goods. Yes, cavatappi is the superior shape of pasta (other than gnocchi and stuffed pastas. Though fusilli corti bucati are also excellent. Maybe I should start a pasta newsletter).

Photo of two bright yellow acrylic earrings shaped like cavatappi pasta. They are on a white cardboard back from General Eclectic Company. This sits on a green background. There are rainbows shining from prisms.

Bonus Resource #1: Every Shipping Deadline You Should Know If You Want Your Gifts to Arrive on Time

For United States Postal Service (USPS), FedEx, and UPS. Glad someone did a post so I didn’t have to.

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November 19, 2021
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Volume 2, Resources 23: Mental Health Apps & Emotion-Sensation Wheel

Hi friends! Last week I wrote about starting to cultivate specific habits in November and I’m happy to report that so far, I have stretched every day, written every day, and written a piece of snail mail every day. I’ve found that I now look forward to my daily stretching (which also has ended up including some daily dancing because of the music I’ve chosen to stretch to). Writing daily has done wonders for my stress levels, as it means I’m chipping away at a ton of little projects and not leaving them all until Sunday evening or the day before they are due or whatever. Funny enough, I hadn’t expected the stress-relief but I welcome it.

It’s a resource week! I’ll get to them after this gratuitous photo of ABBA’s new album that arrived at my doorstep this week!

Photo of the album cover of ABBA Voyage. It is still it it's plastic and you can see Patricia's reflection. She is wearing a rainbow cardigan.

Resource #1: Further Information on Mental Telehealth Apps

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November 12, 2021
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Volume 2, Issue 23: November Habits

Hi friends! Last Friday my team at my day job had a virtual Halloween party. Someday I’ll write an essay about why Halloween is the perfect holiday but aside from my birthday, it really is my favorite. I won the first round of our scavenger hunt and I am super pleased with how my costume came out. I went as the “This is fine” meme from this comic. Yes, I absolutely took a photo of myself and I even made a gif which I will leave here, as my autumn gift to you.

Gif of Patricia as the "this is fine" meme. The gif is 12 seconds long. She is in a room with animated flames and she takes a sip from white mug.

Before I get into the juicy bits of today’s newsletter, I did want to remind everyone that Daylight Saving time ends this weekend and we “fall back” an hour.

Photo of the performer Cher singing into a microphone. There is white text at the bottom of the image that says, "Turn back time one hour this Sunday. Cher with your friends"
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November 5, 2021
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Volume 2, Resources 22: Origins of "Spooky" and Workers on Strike

Hi friends! Something hilarious happened this week that is too good not to share with you.

Nicole & I have been married 4.5 years, together for almost 10. We share the same long, unique surname and we both wear wedding rings. We have lived in our current 1-bedroom apartment across from the property manager for 3 years.

Today the property manager referred to my wife as my "roommate."

Friends. This is our doormat:

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October 29, 2021
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Volume 2, Issue 22: On Being Deliberate

Hi friends! This week during a one-on-one meeting with one of my day job coworkers I said, “The burned-out in me recognizes the burned-out in you.” We laughed but I immediately felt a shift in our energy as we both acknowledged that we each have very little to give lately. It definitely decreased the amount of pressure I was feeling to prove that I am on top of everything (I am not).

Photo of a white boat that is sinking. It is mostly above water. The front of the boat is still above water and it has the boat name on it. The boat is named "No Worries"

I have had so much going on during my work days that it has been leaving me absolutely fried and unable to do most things during the evenings and weekends. My work day involves being on the computer all day. My writing and many things I want to do in the evenings and on weekends also involve being on the computer, which is often the last place I want to be. So then I tinker around and maybe do a little tidying (emphasis on little) and end up staring at my phone.

Then, at the end of the evening or weekend I tell myself, “Well, you tried but it seems like your brain needed that rest and to zone out.” This is a fine thing to say sometimes and by no means am I saying that I (or any of us) needs to be productive at all waking moments; however, when I say this night after night and weekend after weekend, how much is it “My brain needs rest” and how much is it plain ol’ avoidance? Shutting down? Dissociating? Which hey, I read over a hundred books a year. I’m all for escapism! But is it really escaping when I’m scrolling through my feeds mindlessly? On top of that, how do I feel after I do that? Do I feel good and refreshed? Has my motivation returned? Or do I just feel depleted?

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October 22, 2021
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Volume 2, Resources 21: Article Access and Queer & Trans Black People Exist

Hi friends! Recently I’ve been coming to terms with the idea of “when things slow down” and it being a lie. Things will never slow down because of capitalism. Putting off things I want to do, things that will bring me joy or peace, until “things slow down” just means I will never do those things. I will always be busy unless I make myself otherwise. It’s not going to magically happen on my own. Forcing ourselves to go on vacation brought this into stark relief for me. I hadn’t gotten everything done at my day job before we left and even if I did, you know what? Things picked right back up when I got back. No time to breathe. You’ve got to take rest, take joy, take peace for yourself. No one is going to hand it to you.

So, that’s what’s been on my mind a lot lately. How can I make more space for the things I want to do because the space isn’t going to miraculously appear.

It’s a resource week so I’ll get to it after the jump!

artwork of a black cat walking on hind legs. It is carrying a red umbrella and a red suitcase and walking off to the right. Above the cat are some music notes and to the left are the words, "I don't know where I'm going but I'm gay."
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October 15, 2021
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Volume 2, Issue 21: On Self-Rejection

Hi friends! First of all, if you missed reading my first Alta Journal newsletter piece you can now read it on their website. Second of all, my wife and I just had a 5-day vacation about an hour and a half up the California coast. I, being the person I am, had a lot of big plans. I was going to read. I was going to write. I was going to play my ukulele. I was going to do jigsaw puzzles and make Nicole play Scrabble with me. We were going to do yoga every day.

I did none of that. Well, I read a little. But mostly, I stared at the water. In my defense, here is a photo of the sunset, taken off the back deck of the place we stayed in:

Photo of the sun setting over low hills. In the foreground is a bay with 8 sailboat silhouettes. Closest foreground has a wood deck.

Turning off my brain was hard, partially because of my OCD but also because it is not something I ever really do. I’m always thinking of a million things and planning a million things and doing a million things so I forced myself to just… sit.

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#93
October 8, 2021
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Volume 2, Resources 20: Haitian Immigrants, Indigenous Allies, and Smarter in Seconds

Hi friends! Happy October, the month upon which I base my entire personality. This week I had my first piece published in the Alta Journal newsletter (it will be added to the website on Saturday 10/2) about my beloved local queer-owned indie bookstore. The Alta Journal is a Hearst publication (ooh la la!) which aims to be like the New Yorker, but for California. I’m a California girl through and through and while yesterday’s piece was my first, it hopefully won’t be my last. It’s a big reason why there was a fire under my ass to finally build myself an author website. This week is a resource week, so I’ll get to it after I share this actual footage of me at the stroke of midnight last night:

Image of a skeleton with its arms in the air and mouth open. There is text that reads, "spookying intensifies" above the image.

Quick note: Today I am sharing resources created and maintained by BIPOC creators. Whenever I share these resources, I try to send a tip to them if they supply a link for tips/donations. Thank you so much to those of you who send me tips or have paid subscriptions. You help offset the cost of writing and curating this newsletter and make it so I can keep it free for everyone. I appreciate you!

Resource #1: Anti-Racism Daily on Supporting Haitian Immigrants

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October 1, 2021
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