Volume 2, Issue 10: Our Anniversary & Relationship Rules

Hi friends! This past Wednesday was mine and my wife’s wedding anniversary. Neither of us are super into cake (and wedding cakes are expensive and never actually good) so at our wedding we had donuts. So, for our anniversary this year we got some donuts and did our annual reread of our wedding vows.

We wrote our own vows together, where we both read the same thing to each other with some differentiation at the end. I remember our vows being easy to write because when we decided we were going to start dating seriously, we sat and set up some ground rules. Rules don’t sound like fun, I know, but for us, relationship rules were so necessary. We both had bad behavior in past relationships that we didn’t want to repeat. We wanted to set each other, and us as a single unit, up for success.

We return to these rules frequently, not only on our anniversary when we read our vows. They offer a roadmap and some guidelines and most importantly, they serve as a reminder about what is most important to us.

I’ve written about a couple of the lines from our vows, but since it’s our anniversary, I wanted to share the full text with you all.

The following was said by each of us:

Patricia/Nicole, I love you. You are my best friend.

Every day I wake up excited to spend another day laughing with you, learning with you, and growing with you.

At the beginning of our relationship, we set up rules that have supported us in making it here today. I promise to keep these rules.

I promise to not keep my feelings, good or bad, to myself.

I promise to remember that you are not a mind-reader.

I promise to treat you with kindness and care, and to not be a dick, even when I am cranky.

I promise to never let the laughter stop.

I promise to remember to take care of myself, even when taking care of you. I promise to make sure we both eat and drink water and to bring snacks.

I promise to not be selfish, to always make time for you and us, and to make decisions that will ensure that we have as much time together as possible.

I promise to go to things that you want to go to and I promise to leave things when you want to leave.

I promise to uphold your values, even in your absence.

Nicole:

I will be the Pinky to your Brain, the Gomez to your Morticia, and the Companion to your Doctor.

Patricia:

I will be the Waldorf to your Stadtler, the Sherlock to your Dr. Watson, and the Hermione to your Ron.

Both:

Out of everyone I love, you are the one I love the most. I choose you now, and I will continue to choose you for the rest of my life.

We had a micro-wedding at the Beverly Hills courthouse. The person who presided over our ceremony commented that our vows were really good. Considering she has heard hundreds at least, we felt really good about that. I’ve written about a few of the specifics in our vows here, here, and here.

That’s it for this week! You can shop any books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481. If you want me to send you some happy mail, feel free to give me your address.

photo of two donuts, each on a small vintage dessert plate. One donut has chocolate frosting and round confetti rainbow sprinkles, the other is a red velvet donut with a red crumbly topping
photo of two donuts, each on a small vintage dessert plate. One donut has chocolate frosting and round confetti rainbow sprinkles, the other is a red velvet donut with a red crumbly topping

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