Volume 4, Issue 8: Pouring Into Me While Pouring Into Our Community
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Hi friends! I cannot remember which author said this, but I once read a sentence that was similar to, “Life isn’t 100% of any one thing.” I’ve been feeling this very acutely lately. One moment, I’m the passenger princess in my wife’s car and we’re picking up some takeout for dinner and then two exits from home, tears start pouring out of my eyes. The debilitating grief comes and goes and so do the happy things. I absolutely cannot control or schedule when and how the grief hits so I am focusing on the things I can control, which is scheduling and making space for joy.
Last week I had an appointment with Autianna Wilson, the optical goddess at Eyewear Love Affair where I had an eyeglass fitting experience like nothing I’ve ever had. I feel amazing about the frames that I picked out and I cannot wait to show y’all. I should have taken a picture of a pair of frames that I didn’t get that were from a German maker and they were a severe cat-eye that was pierced, yes, they pierced the frames and also distressed them by rubbing them against concrete. Utterly wild and so good.
Today (Friday) is our wedding anniversary and we are going to go play miniature golf and air hockey and skee-ball until my arm falls off. I’ve put prisms onto almost all the windows that get direct sunlight in our new place so on sunny days we get this:
And this past weekend, I got something that I have been wanting for a very long time:
I said to my therapist, “I finally bought a keyboard! I’ve been wanting one for forever” and she was like, “Yes, you have literally been talking about a keyboard since we met.” So, you know. That’s something.
I’ve been working on unpacking and making our new home feel like home, which is not to say there aren’t moments where I just feel utterly lost and don’t know what would make me feel grounded. I know these moments are more frequent after my mom passed and no amount of self-soothing and capitalism is truly going to anchor me.
What has helped with this is returning to my belief that community-care is self-care, which I have written about in the past. We are in a new neighborhood and I’ve been trying to get to know some neighbors. I joined the neighborhood “Buy Nothing” group (I’ll talk more about these groups next week) and I’ve been able to meet so many people who have taken stuff off our hands. One person took a pair of rocks glasses with a world map design on them that we never use. When she picked them up she told me her husband is a history teacher and they have tons of map-themed items around their home and he will absolutely love the glasses. Another person who was sick and wanted some unused-yet-unexpired pasta sauces we had lives a five-minute walk up the street so we dropped them on her doorstep and took the opportunity to take a long walk around the neighborhood. By the time you read this, we will have delivered and assembled the hospital bed we had for my mom (that has been sitting in our home) to a neighbor’s mom who suffered a stroke three years ago and could really use it. I cannot begin to say how good it feels to be giving things directly to people who appreciate them.
I guess that’s what I’m getting at this week. Not necessarily a “lifehack” and your mileage may vary, but at least for me, when I don’t know what I need for myself and the usual things like rest and retail aren’t working I find that focusing on building community and connections and giving my time, energy, belongings, or other resources to others helps me feel a bit less unmoored.
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That’s it for this week! You can shop many books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. In fact, any Bookshop, Amazon, or Etsy links in this newsletter are affiliate links so if you shop through those, it helps support my work. Or you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, Paypal, or Venmo.
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