Volume 4, Issue 4: Everything is on Fire, So Now What?
Hi friends! This week I offer some second-hand advice on what do you when it feels like everything is (figuratively) on fire. This is for paid subscribers only but the fun part is, subscriptions are pay-what-you-want! Subscribe below to read this week's issue.
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Hi friends! For those following along, Mom is not doing great. Details on Facebook for my loved ones who are on there. The short version is that after 4 weeks in the hospital, she was discharged last Thursday and over the weekend declined drastically (lost her ability to walk and use utensils, still can’t really hear, is incredibly confused, and more). We brought her to the ER on Monday morning and they readmitted her. There is a lot going on and it’s really complicated.
This week we (mostly Nicole and our friends) got the last of our stuff out of the old apartment. We have not really had a moment to unpack anything. I’d say our kitchen is about 65% unpacked. We can make coffee and tea and that is what is important. Pretty much nothing else aside from medications and toiletries are unpacked and it’s not for lack of want.
If you are also in the San Francisco Bay Area then you are aware that it has been hella windy. I lived in Pasadena during a very intense wind event where I practically had to climb over fallen trees to get to my office. I’ve got some wind-related trauma-lama-ding-dong. I drive a high profile vehicle so when I got on the freeway to visit Mom in the hospital earlier this week I absolutely had a panic attack about 10 minutes into the trip when the wind was threatening to toss me around and then the dietician from the hospital called at the same time as I was white-knuckling it so I turned right back around and came home.
There was also the antisemetic Neo-Nazi rally outside of a preview of the Broadway revival of Parade, a show that is close to my heart. And the book bans. And the anti-trans legislation.
And.
And.
And.
And.
And.
I feel like a soccer goalie who is getting 20 soccer balls kicked at me all at once as I desperately try to deflect each one. There is no cosmic rule that shitty things can only occur consecutively. Shitty things are not mutually exclusive.
I said to my therapist, “Things keep happening. I need things to stop happening.” I went on to say that I feel like there are 100 different fires to put out and I am running from fire to fire and I’m overwhelmed by trying to figure out what fire to extinguish first.
“You. You are the fire to put out first,” she immediately replied.
This is beyond “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” This is triage. This is self-preservation. This is an attempt to cultivate a sense of control and safety, however flimsy, amidst chaos.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I contribute to my own “being on fire” and a big part of it is my reactivity. I’m trying to teach myself that not every text requires an immediate response or a response at all. I don’t have to answer every single phone call after the first ring if I’m in the middle of something important, like driving. I don’t have to ‘like’ and ‘respond’ to every comment or DM, either instantly or at all. It is not the end of the world that we haven’t hardly begun to unpack. It is not the end of the world that my previously curated email inbox is overflowing.
I am constantly telling everyone, “Hey, you’re doing your best!” and I am trying to come to terms with the idea that I am also doing my best.
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That’s it for this week! You can shop many books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. In fact, any Bookshop, Amazon, or Etsy links in this newsletter are affiliate links so if you shop through those, it helps support my work. Or you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, Paypal, or Venmo.
If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481.
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