Hi friends! Over the past two weeks I have made an unexpected change in my life. Historically, mornings have been very, very hard for me for various reasons whether it be poor mental health or having a shitty sleep or allergies or asthma or anxiety keeping me up at night etc. I often wake up on my own in the first half of the 6 o’clock hour and then I go back to sleep for a little bit. Somehow that next hour of sleep is incredibly deep. I drift off into another dimension, forget my name, become incorporeal, whatever. I’m lost to the world during that time. Then when I try to get up for real it is so incredibly difficult. I manage to eventually drag myself out of bed but it feels like my synapses don’t fire fully until hours later.
On July 18th I had to get up at 6:15a to do a thing and I was shocked that it felt fine to get up that early. I felt fully awake and aware. So I decided to experiment with listening to my body and waking up the first time I actually awaken in the 6 o’clock hour. I am very angry to report that it’s been totally doable and I feel great and I am so mad. I don’t know why I’m so mad. I think I’ve just always been opposed to the idea of being a “morning person” and yet here I am, waking up, in the morning. Identity changes in your 40s is a struggle.
Doing this every day has basically given me a whole day’s worth of extra hours. I am fighting very hard against the demons telling me that I need to fill this time with productivity, building an empire, grinding, and so forth. At the same time, sitting around and scrolling Twitter at 6:45am is fucking awful. Literally nothing good comes from scrolling Twitter at that hour. So I’m working on figuring out what my newfound “day” will look like.
I know this is a resource week but I wanted to share that with y’all. Now: to the resources!
In Volume 3, Resources 14 of this newsletter I shared the new, shortened number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. I think it was irresponsible of me to share that without also acknowledging the lack of crisis-informed care available to folks in the midst of a mental health crisis. The truth is, calling such a hotline has been really bad for some people because it has often ended up with police showing up wherever the person is and/or the person being involuntarily hospitalized or worse. It is not guaranteed that calls won’t be recorded, or that the person or people showing up are crisis-informed / crisis-trained.
I recommend this Twitter thread to think about:
My research as a critical suicidologist means I often critique nonconsensual (carceral) psychiatric care. Lots of people have asked what I recommend as an alternative. 🧵— E Krebs, PhD🧂 (@SaltySicky) July 18, 2022
Two things have been on my mind that have led to these resources being shared here. First is what I wrote about last week in Volume 3, Issue 15: On Avoidance. Second is this notepad I came across on Etsy. It not only has lines where you can put your tasks but also spaces to put the estimated time that the task will take you and the actual time the task took you. Most people are bad at time estimates and I know for myself I often overestimate the amount of time that a task will take me and that feeds my avoidance of it. I had never actually considered putting time estimates on my to do lists but I am intrigued.
I want to acknowledge that these particular resources really push productivity while I have divested from productivity in a lot of ways and leaned into more things that provide rest and joy. Afterall, rest is resistance. That being said, I found a couple things helpful in each of these articles.
I Tried 4 To-Do List Methods. Here’s What Worked. via Kelsey Alpaio (not really about time estimates but some interesting to do list methods anyway)
That’s it for this week! You can shop any books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481. If you are a subscriber and would like for me to send you some happy mail, feel free to give me your address.
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