Volume 3, Issue 26: This Week Was Not What I Expected
This issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice is public.
CW: Hospitalization of a parent
Hi friends. I had planned on unveiling something that I think is pretty cool in today’s newsletter. I was going to work on building it earlier this week and then have the big reveal and sign-up today and I was nervous and excited; however, this week priorities have suddenly changed.
Quick note: my mother gives me blanket permission to tell her stories in case hearing these stories can help someone else.
The short version is thank you to all of you who contributed to my mother’s GoFundMe. We have not reached the goal but it did get her home and because she is home, you have saved her life. Literally.
She had not been feeling well so I took off work on Monday to bring her to Urgent Care. When we got there, I did not like the vibe. They were trying to send us elsewhere because they didn’t have a Covid test (what?) and she needed one before they would even see her and I don’t know. It just didn’t feel right. I made an executive decision and took her to the Emergency Room. My mom looked like garbage, she was having intense pain, lost her hearing, almost fainted on me, her talking was barely a whisper. She was gray. My mother should be brown.
Long story short, if she was not home here in California and if I did not trust my gut, this could have been very, very bad.
She was, of course, admitted. I am writing this on the Winter Solstice (Wednesday) and I have taken off work this week to go see her daily as she is still in the hospital and definitely improving (she's back to brown!) We are hoping she is released by Xmas. She is not a patient person and she just keeps complaining that she wants to feel better so she can find a job and work and there is a lot to unpack there around “work = worth” but right now I’m focusing on getting my mother to a point where she can hear me (currently, we bought a small dry erase board and I am writing to her to communicate).
She has VA insurance and I am hoping it covers everything. It is obscene that she had to put her life on the line in her youth to get this basic coverage in her 60s but that is a whole other essay about the military industrial complex which I’m not going to get into. I do want to take a moment, though, to teach you a bit about the “poverty tax.” Some of you know exactly what I am talking about and so this is for those of you who don’t. The short version is that there are very high costs to being poor. A lot of times it is money but sometimes it is other things. Here are some examples.
My own example is from my twenties when I worked in photo labs and didn’t have dental insurance. I had something wrong with a tooth in a way that would normally be addressed by a crown. But I had no insurance, so the dentist told me that the best he could do was just to remove my tooth, no replacement. I just don’t have a molar now where most other people have a molar. That was my “tax” for being broke and I now have a spot in my mouth where I can feel the emptiness if I reach my tongue back and I have to explain this story to every new person at my current dental office when they exclaim, “Where is your tooth?!”
I bring this up because Tuesday morning, after my mother’s first night in the hospital, I texted her and it didn't go through. Before I panicked, I saw that my mother had emailed me that the person who she expected to pay her cell phone bill did not do so. When I got to the hospital, I went ahead and called in to pay her bill to get her phone restored. The past due was $400. The next bill is due on 12/25 which will make the total amount $600. The poverty tax is working here in a few ways. First, retail jobs don’t pay a living wage and so folks working these jobs (e.g., my mother) have a tough time building credit. Low credit scores can affect things in a number of ways (which, credit scores are racist and invented in 1989 but again, that’s a different essay). Anyway, not being able to afford the full bill will affect credit scores and also add late fees at the very least. Which increases the bill. And on and on which in this case, resulted in a $600 bill and a shut off phone which was her only line of communication while in the hospital.
I want to also give thanks to those of you who pay for subscriptions to this newsletter, buy books via my Bookshop, and send along tips. Because of your support, I was able to pay the giant cell phone bill to restore her phone (and yes, we’ll be moving her line to our less expensive plan).
I share all this not for pity, but for other things. What people share on the internet is usually the “greatest hits.” There are more of us out here dealing with things like this than you probably realize. You likely know some of us and it’s typically not information we share with you. Most of us don’t have generational wealth and I promise, hardly any of us have a roadmap to these kinds of things.
Next week I hope to talk about some 2023 goals (lolsob) and maybe, if you’re thinking of yours too, we can all find ways to show a bit more compassion to the folks around us, even the ones who seem like they’ve got it all figured out (we don’t). Hug your loved ones if you are able and it is safe (yoo hoo, still a pandemic raging on!)
Happy holidays, everyone. I’m accepting cat gifs / memes at any time and snail mail always.
Also, I'm still working on something really fuckin' rad so stay tuned for that announcement in the new year!
In case you missed it, last week I posted my Best Books of 2022 list. I have read over 100 books this year and it was hard to narrow it down but I managed (kind of).
That’s it for this week! You can shop any books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481. If you are a paid subscriber and would like for me to send you some happy mail, feel free to give me your address.
If you enjoy this newsletter, here are ways to show your support for my writing and resource curation:
That’s it for this week! You can shop many books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. In fact, any Bookshop, Amazon, or Etsy links in this newsletter are affiliate links so if you shop through those, it helps support my work. Or you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, Paypal, or Venmo.
If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481.
You can find our podcast, Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice on Apple Podcasts, YouTube, Spotify, and wherever else you get your podcasts.