Volume 3, Issue 24: Tips on Handling Overwhelm
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Hi friends! A bit of housekeeping: I am still on Twitter until it actually stops working but I have also joined Hive under my usual handle (theinfophile). If you have the Hive app and an account, you can click this link to find me. Otherwise, search for my handle and I’ll see you there! No, it is not perfect and needs some work but it is still in its infancy and it’s unfair to compare it to social media sites that have been around for 10+ years and have a shit ton more resources. We’ll see how it goes!
Also, my mother has made it back to California safely. Thank you to everyone who has contributed to her GoFundMe, which is still accepting donations because we aren’t out of the weeds yet.
I feel like an entire lifetime has gone by since last Friday. The mass shooting at Club Q and the government-sanctioned murders of protestors in Iran have me heavy with grief and rage. There have been at least 30 mass shootings in the U.S. this month and the month is not yet over. I, for one, have been dissociating like a mofo because in the wake of all this terror and all this hate, the world does not stop. We have to find ways to keep living and honestly, I’m find it all a bit overwhelming so today I want to talk a little bit about how I’m managing that for myself in hopes that it can help some of you, too.
I wrote about some ideas on getting “unstuck” when you’re feeling stuck in Volume 3, Issue 21: On Gardeners and Architects so I really want to focus more on when you’re feeling overwhelmed or without direction or even a fully-formed plan. Sometimes there are too many choices and you’re being pulled in too many directions.
I like to start with giving myself permission to not know everything. It is okay if I don’t have everything perfectly planned and a clear next 10 steps. I don’t need to have an answer for “where do I see myself in 5 years?” especially when I don’t even know where exactly I’ll see myself in 5 months. Most people, even if they seem like it, are really unlikely to actually have everything figured out. Even if they do profess to have everything figured out, 1) Their journey is not your journey and 2) “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” etc. etc.
The other thing I do during times of overwhelm (like right now) is asking myself, “What is the next logical step?” and then I focus on that. I don’t need to know everything down the line, just what is the one next thing I need to do to either get through my day, or through the week, or cross off a to-do list item, or yes, maybe even reach a seemingly unattainable goal.
A variation on this is the question, “What is the one thing I can do now?” or “What is something that is within my power/ability to achieve right now?” Don’t be fooled by people telling you that you have to hustle, grind, girlboss, vision board, and manifest during every waking moment or even at all. You can still learn and grow and live without all of that. You can do these things at your own pace by focusing on the immediate next step. I know that so much self-help wants you to have your eye on the prize and your big main goal and name your dreams and speak them into existence and hey, maybe that is what works for you. But I’m here to say that it’s okay if you don’t fall in that category. I imagine many people don't, which is why a lot of self-help sells and yet there is still only one Oprah and one Beyoncé.
Our journeys are our own and the speed with which we move and the directions in which we move are dynamic. When I am overwhelmed, I need to move more slowly and deliberately and that’s okay. No one is rushing me but me so I give myself permission to just focus on the next logical step.
Again, if you’re looking for some recommendations of books as gifts, I made some in last week’s newsletter and also in this week’s episode of the All the Books! Podcast.
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