Volume 3, Issue 19: On Doing What Works
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Hi friends! Before I dig into today’s issue, I want to give a little bonus advice up front. Some backstory: I’ve mentioned before that I have started making various bean dishes every Sunday and that I post the process to my Instagram stories. Folks who watch my stories are very aware of “Sunday Bean Day.” It is not sponsored. It is not fancy. I just like to post content of what I’m cooking as a nice, little, low-stakes interruption to the onslaught of ads and memes. About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I skipped Sunday Bean Day and someone messaged me that they didn’t know if I was going to make beans that day but I inspired them to take the time and make their own pot of beans. I cannot adequately express how happy this made me. For someone to reach out and say that I have inspired them to do something that forced them to be present and to slow down has just had me on cloud nine for weeks now.
It was also a good reminder to myself that I’m going to share here: tell people you appreciate them. Tell them that they inspire you. Tell them you like their outfit. Tell them you like their art or their music or their book. Thank them. I once heard it said that not complimenting someone when you want to or not thanking someone when you are thankful is like having a beautifully-wrapped gift for them and never giving it to them.
Unrelated: Here are some bite-sized skull cakes I made the other day:
As I’ve mentioned in the past, I spend a lot of time ‘shoulding’ myself. I should have a writing ritual. I should have a morning ritual. I should manage my time better. I should sing on a regular basis. I should be better at managing my stress by now. I should be reading more nonfiction. I should meditate. I should, I should, I should.
This only leads me to overwhelming myself and then being paralyzed by overwhelm which results in my doing nothing. And by ‘nothing’ I mean probably mindlessly scrolling through the internet.
Recently I’ve started working on picking apart all my ‘shoulds,’ going so far as to attempt to recognize when I’m doing it in the moment and ask, “Should According to whom?” My therapist recently said to concentrate on what works in these moments of overwhelm. We listed some things out and the goal is to do more of that. Find out what already works and do more of it.
This idea has stuck with me. For instance, I know that something that works for me on weekday mornings is if I plan my next morning the night before. So when I am up at 6:30am, I know exactly what I’m doing (which does not include scrolling the internet because that makes me feel bad). So maybe I do more planning, within reason. Maybe I plan on what my Tuesday evenings look like. Or what my Saturday mornings look like. I don’t get paralyzed by overwhelm if I have a clear map.
I want to stretch this even further and say: do what works for you when you’re reasonably able to. If you think you should be reading more nonfiction, why? If reading fantasy is meeting your needs and bringing you joy, then do what works. If you think you should be listening to newer music but listening to the same music you listened to when you were 14 is what is soothing, then do what works. I still do not know what a Bad Bunny is but I’m sure they’re lovely.
I went to 13 years of Catholic school, kindergarten through 12th, and I wore a uniform that entire time. I loved it. I didn’t have to think about what I was wearing each morning. As an adult, I have a dozen of the same, black, v-neck shirts, which is usually what I wear in my Zoom meetings. If I am leaving the apartment, I have multiple jumpsuits and rompers. Most of them are the same cut, just different fabrics. I’m doing what works for me. Sure, half the neighborhood probably knows me as the jumpsuit person and I don’t care. I didn’t have to try on eight outfits that I hate before deciding what to wear out of the apartment so I consider this a win.
I guess that’s the point of this. Do what works for you regardless of what other people think and regardless of what that rude little voice in your head might be saying. If something works for you, hold onto it. Use it as an anchor when you feel like you’re getting carried away by overwhelm.
That’s it for this week! You can shop any books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481. If you are a paid subscriber and would like for me to send you some happy mail, feel free to give me your address.
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That’s it for this week! You can shop many books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. In fact, any Bookshop, Amazon, or Etsy links in this newsletter are affiliate links so if you shop through those, it helps support my work. Or you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, Paypal, or Venmo.
If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481.
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