Hi friends! How are we all holding up? I am currently having a cup of hot chocolate that is mostly whipped cream. Yes, it is late July. Yes, I am in the Northern Hemisphere and it is summer where I am, though it is only 62°F at the moment. But hey, the mouth wants what the mouth wants.

Today I want to talk about speaking up for yourself. Am I an expert at this? No. Do I at least do it consistently for myself? ALSO NO. Maybe you’re all great at speaking up for yourselves, expressing your needs, saying no, and I’m writing today’s newsletter just for me. But I have the feeling that at least one of you is in the same boat that I am. The boat that I am in is named HMS Sick-Of-My-Own-Bullshit.

Let me tell you what has triggered this. A couple months ago I was getting a lot of emails from a lot of white people I know asking for my specific advice on diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) type things. One request was for some DEI help in my day-job realm (nonprofit sector). What I should have said was, “I’d be happy to help. Here is my consulting fee and links to my PayPal and Venmo.” Instead, I was soooooo accommodating, as usual, because I suck at advocating for myself, and then at the end of my email I said, “I’m doing this for free, but in the future, if you ask this of people from marginalized backgrounds, you should offer to pay them.” I ADVOCATED FOR IMAGINARY PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW AND NOT FOR MYSELF.

I’ve been kicking myself FOR MONTHS.