EEDA Newsletter Vol 5, Iss 5: How to Find a Therapist
This is a public issue of Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice. Please share this with someone who would appreciate it!
Hi friends! Here’s a link to last week’s podcast episode, “Burnout is Not Your Fault.” There were a couple of bumps getting it up onto YouTube but we finally have a YouTube channel and all the existing podcast episodes are there. I am an Android user and I’m acutely aware that Google Podcasts is going away very soon so we’ve also gotten our show up on YouTube Music, where they are forcing everyone. The EEDA Pod is also available on Apple, Spotify, etc. and a new show posts every other Wednesday.
Over the past few years I have helped more than a couple folks find therapists. Though I’m not a mental health professional myself, I am damn good at curating resources (Thanks, MLIS!). I realized that I never actually shared the information I have gathered and the things I’ve learned with you all so I’m going to fix that right now. This week is supposed to be a subscriber-only issue but I feel very strongly that this information shouldn’t be paywalled. You can always find ways to support my work at the bottom of this newsletter.
A few years ago I wrote about why a person might want to seek therapy in Volume 1, Resources 11: A Bit of Therapy, As a Treat. I want to apologize for leaving out something very big in the section where I talk about reasons why a person may not want to seek mental health care: mental health care in this country has an incredibly racist history and, quite bluntly, still a prevalent racist present. You can learn a bit more by reading this article. That being said, there are many more BIPOC therapists out there trying to flip the script. My previous therapy post has a lot of resources linked, mostly for folks who are still trying to figure out if therapy is something they would benefit from and a handful of resources on finding therapists. In today’s issue, I’m going to focus more on the latter.
Tips for finding a therapist
First of all, congratulations on making a decision that will, ideally, improve your life whether that be general mental health, physical health, emotional healing, or myriad other things. I’m proud of you for trying! It can be really scary, especially if you’ve never been to therapy before, if you have had bad experiences with therapists, or if you’ve heard a lot of bad things about therapy second-hand. Much of the advice I have below is based on the assumption that you have access to resources to pay for therapy so I won’t be getting too much into that part. If you do not have insurance and, like many of us, don’t have a ton of funds to pay a lot out of pocket every week, I have a few resources for finding more affordable therapy here: Volume 1, Resources 11: A Bit of Therapy, As a Treat.
My first tip is to gather up your short lists of “why” and “who”
The “why” is why do you want to build a relationship with a therapist? This absolutely does not have to be a 10-page essay and in fact, it really should not be. This is also not an exhaustive list and it can even be a bit vague. Here are some examples:
I want help managing my anxiety
I am overwhelmed by grief and I don’t know what to do
I want to learn how to have better boundaries
Depression is getting in the way of even doing basic care tasks and I don’t want to be this way
I just feel bad and nothing seems to work. I don’t know what I need but I know I need help.
I realize it’s not fair or helpful to make my spouse / child / parent / partner / roommate / family member do all this emotional labor for me and I want professional help
I want mental health support navigating disability, illness, recent diagnosis, etc.
I have some past traumas that I want to unpack and heal from and I don’t know how
I am having a hard time managing all the violence being enacted upon people like me and my loved ones and while having a hard time with this is the exact right response, I am overwhelmed and cannot eat/sleep/function and want help navigating the horrors
And so much more. Honestly, the possibilities are endless and once you get into a relationship with a therapist, new things will often pop up or long-forgotten things may be unearthed. Having at least a beginning idea of this will help direct your search efforts and also give you an idea of what maybe you don’t want.
The “who” is a list of the traits/demographics you’re looking for in a therapist. I’m going to rain on your parade a bit here by saying up front: The longer your list, the less likely it is you will find a match. Here is where you really don’t want perfect to be the enemy of the good. If I went into this hyper-focused on find a therapist who is:
Queer
Black
Filipino/a/x
Femme
In a queer-trans marriage
In an interracial marriage where one person is white
Is in California
Takes my insurance
Has expertise in working with patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder
Is anti-capitalist
Is taking new patients
I would probably have had an impossible chance of finding a therapist. Some traits may be more difficult to find than others. A person may have an easier time finding a therapist under the queer umbrella than a therapist that is specifically trans, aromantic, or intersex. Not that these folks don’t exist! They absolutely do, but to then add that they are also licensed in your state, take your insurance, etc. does mean that the search will likely be harder. After you make your full list, take some time to divide things up into absolute requirements vs. preferred qualities and focus on the former. With therapy, an initial good match can very well turn into a great match.
A few notes on cultural competency vs cultural humility
I am not the expert to speak on this but I will absolutely tell you who is: Shani Tran. While I highly recommend that you read her book, Dope Therapy: A Radical Guide to Owning Your Therapy Journey. Shani Tran talks a lot about the important difference between cultural competency and cultural humility when looking for a therapist who is the right fit for you. For the short version of her definition and a book discussion, you can listen to Episode 29 of the Struggle Care podcast, “How to Get Dope Therapy with Shani Tran”.
Here is the unfortunate tip I will add to this: There are some therapists out there who will check all the expertise boxes on Psychology Today: Biracial, LGBTQ+, Anxiety, Codependency, Women’s Issues, Transgender, Divorce, you name it and there are some people (likely very, very few) that are just trying to get people “in the door” without actually having this expertise. Super unethical, yes, I know! I hate that I even have to say this. This is when we really need to have our research hats on and try to cross-reference in any ways we can and ask specifics the first time we talk to them. More on that below. I do think this is unique to Psychology Today and not something I’ve experienced with personal websites or more focused directories.
Look in multiple places
I recommend not fully depending on a single directory. Psychology Today is useful as one of multiple places to check. Google the therapist and try to find their website. If they are of certain demographics or have a certain focus, you can also look for them in other more specific directories. You may even want to start with those directories first and then also cross-reference with their site and Psychology Today. As always, you can also start with a general search on Google with key terms which include your geographic area, then cross-reference with existing directories. Even if you have insurance and your insurance has a directory to search, it may not always be up to date unless it’s an HMO like Kaiser Permanente. For example, I have Optum and their site is not user-friendly. I actually found my therapist through a different directory and then searched Optum backward by name.
Many insurance companies offer help with creating a list of therapists that may be a good fit. It does mean you’ll have to navigate your insurance coverage and find the number to call or who to send a secure message to. I work for one of the largest employers in my state and my organization has internal mental health professionals that can help employees find therapists who may be a good fit. If you don’t want to do a lot of work yourself to begin with, these may be a couple easier options if you have access to them.
Don’t forget to check credentials by doing a web search for your state + license title (like MFT or LCSW) + “license verification." Usually a therapist in another state won’t be licensed in your own state but it is always worth checking that, too.
A related note on insurance
Your mileage may vary, but I don’t automatically depend on what a directory says for what insurance a potential therapist takes. This is something that can change and it doesn’t always get updated quickly (or at all) in multiple different directories. Usually their personal websites are better about this info (if they have a site). Knowing this, you may not want to narrow directory searches by insurance either. This is a question I advise you ask in your initial outreach. More on that below.
Template for an initial email
“Hi, my name is [your first and last name] and I am looking for a therapist to help me with [this is where you put your brief “why” from above]. Are you currently accepting new patients and do you accept [name of your insurance if you have it]? If so, I would love to talk further to see if we are a good match.”
This is where you also ask if they do virtual appointments/in-person appointments if that is something that is important to you.
Usually if the answers are yes and the therapist is open to speaking with you, they will offer you a short phone or Zoom appointment (15 - 30 minutes usually) for a consultation to see if you might be a good fit for each other.
While you may be more comfortable with email and want to email a million questions (I get it, I really do), recognize that your therapy sessions won’t be over email and some therapists shine over face to face / Zoom / phone in ways they may not over email.
Ideas for what to ask in your consultation
Keep in mind that a therapist is supposed to help you and therefore, it is very important to ask questions to learn if they can address your needs and goals. You do not have to figure out if this is a person that you want to talk to for the next ten years in that one short consultation. You’re just trying to figure out if you are comfortable (or even excited) enough to give them a try. You can meet with them however many times and you can say "this isn't working for me" at any time. You do not owe them loyalty, especially if you’re not feeling supported. Good therapists are professional enough to know that people grow and change as do their needs and goals. And the same goes for therapists! Their own work and focus may evolve over time as well.
I will put some more resources below on questions to ask but here are a few that have been important to me and my circles (feel free to zhoozh them as needed):
How does your racial / ethnic and cultural background impact your work as a therapist?
What is your experience when it comes to working with ________ (e.g., specific racial / ethnic backgrounds, LGBTQ+, ADHD, substance use, etc.) Note: I like to ask about experience and not just a yes or no “Do you work with folks who…?” No experience isn’t necessarily a red flag for everyone and it’s up to you to decide what you need.
What is your comfort level when it comes to talking about topics such as white supremacy, privilege, racism, homophobia, or systemic oppression?
What does a typical session with you look like?
Does your practice tend to be more short-term or long-term? Is your praxis goal-oriented and problem-focused or is it more organic? (some folks prefer one over the other)
How often do you tend to see your clients?
What are the days you work / what days and times do you have open?
Will you be accessible by phone, text, or email outside of sessions?
Is there a session limit? Is there a referral required?
If you’ve made it this far
Congrats on reading through this absolute monster of a post! I will link out to a bunch of resources and directories below. Remember, you can gather all the information and read all the tips but there is no one right way to do this. Sometimes, you just gotta take that leap and recognize it may not be perfect but hopefully, it’ll be worth it.
Resources for finding a therapist
Struggle Care How to Find A Therapist resource (includes tips for your first session)
Struggle Care How to Find a Therapist PDF guide (free, better visual layout)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Finding a Mental Health Professional (has some good questions to ask)
NAMI Finding Mental Health Care that Fits Your Cultural Background
Dope Therapy: A Radical Guide to Owning Your Therapy Journey by Shani Tran, LPCC (incredibly helpful book on this subject. Includes tons of information beyond getting you through the door. Talks about what to expect when you’re in therapy, what the different licenses mean, how to end a therapy relationship, and more. Here is my more detailed book recommendation)
How to Do Therapy With Founder of Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj Kohli
Directories
Many of these links also have resources beyond just directories. This list is not exhaustive and definitely skews toward my own communities. Google is your friend!
Therapy Den (lots of LGBTQIA+ therapists here)
Therapy Route (has therapists outside the U.S. as well
Therapin*y (providers for Filipino/a/x folks)
Therapy Tribe (also has therapists outside the U.S. and yes, my eye twitches whenever I see the use of the word ‘tribe’ in this way)
Glimmer, a digital mental health and wellness space for queer and trans folks
Gaylesta, the psychotherapist association for gender and sexual diversity
I do plan on keeping this updated, so if you have any further resources or insight about these resources, please let me know!
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