Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice, Vol 4, Iss 13: The Mythical Someday When
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Hi friends! As I write this, I am incredibly shaky, as I have been all day. In the 3am hour, all our smoke alarms went off at once. They are wired that way, as they are hard-wired into the electrical of the house we live in. They also have battery power. It was fucking terrifying as we were both deeply asleep. There was no fire. We sniffed about, ran to all the rooms and felt and sniffed at the shared walls with the people in the other units. We went outside and looked around the house. Then they went off again. Then they stopped. Then they went off yet again. We think it’s the breaker (they are all on the same one) so we switched it off and texted the property owner this morning. As I mentioned, the smoke alarms still work on battery so that is a bit of reassurance; however, we didn’t exactly get good sleep after that and I’ve been a bit of a zombie all day. I hope to get to bed early tonight.
This week I did make this summer squash pizza recipe that turned out surprisingly well! I took some liberties with the seasoning and there are definitely changes I’ll implement the next time I make it (it would be improved by adding pancetta and fresh garlic, maybe a squeeze of lemon before serving).
Today’s essay is directed at myself as much as it is for any of you who may need to hear it. It may end up being a lot more questions than answers but let’s see where my writing takes us. My writing is often the literary form of a sculptor having a piece of marble and letting the marble tell them what sculpture is lying inside. I just start typing and hey, what sometimes comes out is just as much of a surprise for me as it is for you.
I have a habit of dreaming of the mythical land that lies beyond the phrase, “Once I get my shit together.” Maybe you dream of it as well. It’s this magical place where we write (or read) those books that we’ve been thinking about for years. We learn to crochet or make jewelry or get really good at photography. We go on frequent hikes or we do yoga every morning and we definitely meditate daily. We start that business. We journal consistently, we cook every meal from scratch, we see our friends and family more, we get out there and volunteer, we will really, truly rest, and on and on. In essence, we live the lives we wish to live.
But first, we have to get our house in order. And pay off student loans. And get a better-paying job. We can live that wishful life after we “have our shit together.”
Friends: we will never have all our shit together. No one fully has their shit together and if they say they do then I don’t trust them. There’s always something going on. There will always be something that we can use as a distraction (or excuse?) to keep ourselves from being happy. Why do some of us do this? Fear of success? Fear of failure? Having the feeling that we don’t deserve the fun, fulfilling things until we do all the tedious tasks of living (which are never actually done)? Are we waiting until we have that perfect office setup and all the perfect equipment and perfect resources to do whatever it is that we truly want to do?
Real question: what of these things on our “someday” lists can we actually do now? No judgment. Some people may want to yell "Fuck it, let's roll!" and work toward things in ways that involve hustling and grinding and girlbossing and you know what? You do you. Other folks may look at things that involve releasing the idea of the “mythical someday when xyz happens” and can just do the thing now. Rest now. Write in a journal now. Take 10 minutes a day and learn how to crochet. Take 5 minutes and meditate. Go on vacation and impulse-buy a villa in Tuscany that ends up being a fixer-upper and end up helping some star-crossed lovers get married.
Stop making arbitrary rules for yourself. There are already too many people and too many systems of oppression and too many power structures that want us to stay unhappy, we do not need to give them a helping hand by getting in the way of our own joy. Seriously. White supremacy doesn't need your help. Patriarchy and capitalism don't need your help. Start doing things that bring you joy now.
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That’s it for this week! You can shop many books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. In fact, any Bookshop, Amazon, or Etsy links in this newsletter are affiliate links so if you shop through those, it helps support my work. Or you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, Paypal, or Venmo.
If you want to send me some snail mail, you can find me at P.O. Box 21481, Oakland, CA 94620-1481.
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