Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice, Vol 4, Iss 20: What to Do When We Think of Someone
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Hi friends! This week we went to listen to Roxane Gay on her book tour for her new book, Opinions: A Decade of Arguments, Criticism, and Minding Other People's Business. Afterward, we lined up so I could get my book signed and I could be a weirdo because I don’t know how to behave around people I admire. I also got a photo:
I remain deep in my grief. I don’t talk about it much here or online because I don’t feel compelled to perform my grief for an audience but rest assured, my grief is ever-present. It feels particularly peculiar right now to do things that bring me joy, like go to an author event. That is the thing about grief, though, isn’t it? Everything else doesn’t just stop because of tragedy, regardless of scope. Grief, sure, but also, I still need to show up to work every day. Yes, grief, but also I need to read these books before the library wants them back.
I think, too, this is why I burst into tears today because a reader of this newsletter sent me something off my Bookshop wishlist. It was so unexpected and I was overwhelmed with joy just for being thought of. Being thought of, the simple act of being considered, is so powerful. A coworker I really, truly like recently went to Chile and brought me back a magnet of a llama with googly eyes. I’m still in awe that she was a bajillion miles away doing something really cool and took a moment to think of me.
The power of these examples doesn’t lie in the fact that a gift was given, it’s that I was thought of and then made aware of being thought of. That’s the special sauce. Just thinking good thoughts about someone does nothing for them unless you reach out and tell them, “Hey, I’m thinking of you,” or “I hope you are well,” or “You’ve been on my mind.” In Volume 4, Issue 6: The Importance of Saying Thank You, I mention something I learned from my therapist:
Being full of gratitude for someone and never actually thanking them is like having a beautifully-wrapped gift and never giving it to them to open.
I believe this is true also for thinking about people. I’m not saying you should text someone every time you think of them because that could get real weird, real fast. But I think it’s important to let people know that they’re on your mind, in your heart, etc. I think this is also why snail mail is so powerful to me. A postcard is like Texting 2.0 and unlike a text, there isn’t high pressure to respond immediately or at all. It can just exist. That being said, a text is quicker and more accessible. It can be done immediately, or almost immediately.
Whatever the medium is that you decide on, I hope that you take a moment to reach out to someone and tell them you’re thinking about them. It can go even further than you realize.
That’s it for this week! You can shop many books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. In fact, any Bookshop, Amazon, or Etsy links in this newsletter are affiliate links so if you shop through those, it helps support my work. Or you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, Paypal, or Venmo.
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