EEDA Newsletter Vol 5, Iss 13: What Does "Enough" Look Like?
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Hi friends! I’m writing this on Juneteenth after hosting a few friends. The house we are in has a lot of windows and with filters, Covid testing, and a gusty cross-breeze, we felt safe enough to have a tiny gathering. We hope to do it more while the weather is nice enough to open up and have good circulation. One of the ways Juneteenth is celebrated is by red food and drink. I made a strawberry lemonade, cherry sauce for the chocolate cake I made, and I also made a nectarine sorbet which turned out even better than I anticipated. Having a day off in the middle of the week is not normal for me and I welcome it.
I frequently think that I’m not doing enough. I am terrible at stopping and acknowledging my wins. There is a consistent, tiny voice in my head that tells me I could be doing more and that I’m not “living up to my potential.” If you were a “gifted student” and a “pleasure to have in class,” then this tune may sound familiar.
One tactic is to ask, “What would be enough?” or “What does ‘enough’ look like?” I can never answer this question, nor can anyone I’ve mentored or really, anyone else I’ve asked. ‘Enough’ can be a myth or we can recognize that we determine what is enough. It is likely that, if the previous paragraph resonates then you’re probably doing ‘enough.’
Another tactic is to list out all the things you’re doing so you have a physical representation in a list form. This doesn’t work for me because I immediately think of all the things I want to add to the list but this can help put things into perspective for some people.
Recently, I had two experiences that I think actually moved the needle on the idea that I’m doing ‘enough’ or at least, the idea that I’m doing A Lot™. First, I had gone out to coffee with a friend that I hadn’t been able to hang out with for months for various reasons. We were catching up and we talked about our day jobs and then I was also saying how I just passed my 8-year anniversary with Book Riot and I write for them weekly and podcast for them monthly, on top of my own weekly newsletter and bi-weekly podcast. I started to go on about all the things I’m not doing and she looked at me and said, “Stop. You’re working like, five jobs. JOBS.”
I was also interviewed for a profile this week and we talked mostly about this newsletter, my process, how I started, what I’ve learned, my consistency and longevity. I’m a handful of issues shy of two-hundred and fifty newsletters and if I’ve missed a week, it’s only been one or two. This newsletter has become second nature to me, so to have someone who I think highly of be openly impressed helped me slow down for even a moment to just think, “Wow. Yeah, I did this. I’m doing this.”
I think external validation gets a bad rap sometimes. While, yes, a person shouldn’t focus their existence on pleasing others, I do think that it can help to see ourselves through other people’s eyes, especially for those of us who struggle with things like anxiety or perfectionism (I’d also include imposter syndrome here, if I believed in it). I think this is also why I really try to implement my enthusiastic encouragement and compliment my loved ones and coworkers. Telling someone that they’re doing a good job can be so impactful. So, my advice this week is two-fold: tell other people they’re doing a good job when you think they’re doing a good job, and also, if you feel like you’re not doing enough, find someone you trust to tell about all the things you’re doing. Sometimes even just saying it out loud can help. Reminder that we also do weekly accountability and encouragement on the EEDA Pod Patreon where you can do this too.
For more, please see this related post, “Volume 2, Issue 14: We Are Enough.”
That’s it for this week! You can shop many books I’ve mentioned in this newsletter at my affiliate shop, The Infophile’s Bookshop, and support independent bookstores. In fact, any Bookshop, Amazon, or Etsy links in this newsletter are affiliate links so if you shop through those, it helps support my work. Or you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, Paypal, or Venmo.
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